Wednesday, March 29, 2006

husband & wife

Mag-asawa having sex...
HUSBAND: Honey, mag dirty talk ka naman para ganahan ako!
WIFE: Ahhh...Shit! Basuraaa... Kanal... Taeee...Oooh... Patay na
dagaaaa....alipunga ......ohh cge paaaaaa ...libag..anghittttt...!

due to her friends advice... this unsatisfied wife secretly mixed 3 powdered viagra on the spaghetti her husband was eating.... after 30 minutes.... at an instant.. herhusband grab her and carry her to the bedroom and the fun begins.... minuteslater...he shouted for help!!! his stomach was aching seriously!! ...he was rushed to the hospital....and died! XRAY results showed stiff, hard and potruding spahetti was the cause of death!!!!! .......ngeeeeek( pati noodles tumigas!)

~~~Nagpunta si Tandang Kulas sa kanyang doktor, "Doc, 80-years old na ako bukas, meron akong binayarang hooker pupunta sa apartment ko mamayang gabi, pwede bang bigyan mo ako ng pampatigas.....Tumawa ang doktor, " Hinde ko binibigay sa mga pasyente ko ito, pero para sa iyo, exception lang para ngayong gabi!......Tinawagan ng doktor ang matanda sa gabing yun at tinanong ang kanyang kalagayan. Sagot naman ng matanda, "Doc, magaling ka talaga, tatlong beses na akong pinutukan!"......."Ayos", sabi ng doktor, " Di tuwang tuwa yung hooker?".......Sagot ng matanda, " Wala pa siya dito, hinihintay ko pa!" ~~~Ngeehh

Tawa ka lang dyan

Bugtungan
Patpat mong matigas
Labas masok sa butas,
Pag iyong idiin, giniling-giling
Kiliti and mararating.
Ano ito?............


Cotton buds! Wag daw dumi isip, bad iyan.





Pulis: Bakit mo inihagis ang bata sa bintana?
Yaya: Sinunod ko lang po ang utos ng amo ko.
Sabi po ng amo ko, 'wala na tayong Pampers,
i- Huggies mo na lang si baby.





What is the most impressive example of Tolerance?

Ah! Golden Wedding Anniversary!





Applicants
2 girls nag-aaply ng work. 1 matalino, 1 bobo
Matalino: Buti ka pa natanggap. Ano ba ginawa mo?
Bobo: Wala. Nung nag-fill up me ng form, nilagay ko
sa Sex, sure.





Teacher: Write a short story in a few words discussing
Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.
Student wrote: "My God! I'm pregnant. I wonder who
the father is?"





Sensitive Child
1st day in school...
Mom to teacher - Very sensitive po ang anak ko.
Kung kailangan nyo po parusahan,
Sampalin nyo na lang po ang katabi nya.
matatakot na 'yan!





Love and Marriage Cycle
1-2 yrs : magkasalo sa plato
3-5 yrs : tig-isang plato
5-7 yrs : nagbabatuhan na ng plato
8-10 yrs : wala na silang plato
That is what we call PLATOnic love!





3 brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu migrated to USA from China.
They decided to change their name :
Bu became Buck
Chu became Chuck.
Fu decided to go back to China .





Man : I want to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me
i n 6 months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are very hard to find!





Do you know why bra makers measure cup size by "A B C D E F "?
A - almost gone
B - barelly noticeable
C - comfortable
D - damn good
E - exremely big and
F - Fake





Learning French

City - ce vou
Drug - sha vou
Good bye - va vou
Bald - cal vou
Caught in the act - navo cou
Feathers - valahi vou
Not clear - mala vou
Cute - a cou





Chalk
Amo : 'Day, ang chalk na ito para mamatay ang ipis.
Gamitin mo sa pader.
Maid : Opo, ati.
Next day ......
Nagulat ang amo, nakasulat sa pader...
"Epes mamatay kayong lahat!"





Katapusan
Lumindol ng malakas noon....
Nagkagulo and lahat at nag-panic.
Sumigaw ang isang lalake..
"Katapusan na! Katapusan na!"
Sumagot ang isa pang lalake..
"t*nga, a kinse pa lang."